Deep Dive

I went to see a massager few times due my active sports, and afterwards this man started to send me messages via Facebook. He wanted to meet. I wondered why, and told him I’m not really interested to dating him, or is there some other reason why he contacted me. He answered he is not into dating either, but something “lighter” would be nice for him. Even though he has a wife and two daughters back home. What the … After I had informed him how embarrassing his action was as he was so unrespectful towards not only me, but his wife as well, and questionned had he though about if people would treat his daughters the way he treats women, he got lost speechless.

Back in the days, I went through school in male dominated industry, and I was a fast and eager learner and liked my peers. I was young, pretty and kind. When I graduated, male teachers privately wanted to straighten me up, that I will not accomplish anything as I was so annoying to them. I shouldn’t be proud of that I made my final test fast and with too perfect grades. Too perfect grades for a woman. Years later, one of the teachers who pretended to support me, but never stood up for me, started to send me messages via Facebook. After writing them a time, he thought it would be appropriate to send messages how it “would be nice to meet”, “with warm heart” and weird emojis. Oh please, I questioned does he send these to all his former students, he answered no. He did apologize, asking same time “do I still want some home-works to do?” … He got lost when I threaten to expose the whole school with it methods.

Photos: Google, Michael James Schneider

And why don’t I? Because if I would, I needed to rate which one of all insults is worth to put time into, as they happen almost daily. For example, my friend needed to put 6 years of her life for exposing rapist after getting justice for rape she was violated with. And these are just a few “funny” examples among thousands, which women need to bare everyday. Only the most violent ones end up to court, rapes and equality insults. Only thing left to do, is say face to face when it happens, and that is dangerous to many. Like how professor in my University of Applied Sciences teaches ethical question by making pupils think in class, ”is it ok for lonely Rosemary to fuck other man to get to his husband located over the river, get married to other guy or just to leave it there and lose it all. WTF? Why don’t he tell the story with opposite genders: Matt, who needs to fuck Joanna to get to his wife. Yea right, we’ve got it why. That is what happens every day. Or why Rosemary just won’t say fuck this shit, and leave all those scumbags and build better life by her own? I say it is sexist and offensive and what do I get, shitty grade, right? And if I’d make it a big deal via existing channels, how much resources and time from my actual studying it would take? Yup, you’ve got the powerstructure.

And what would you do, to meet this kind of behavior in every day life? Like parking a car. I am a good driver, – woman driver – ’cause there were no common situation that man drives instead of me in my life. Why is it so, that males drive instead of wife? Do the driving women! Maybe it is because the talk we learn to hear since kids. I’ve heard from all my closest relatives “Oh that must be woman on the wheel” “Woman driving, right” comments, when someone is performing badly. Or heard after accidents that “Must have been woman”, though fact is that males make most of the accidents. Nor when I had to take my car to the car repair, oh the amount of mansplaining and downgrading (and me giving straight feedback). Or if I changed my own tyres, always some male needed to come give me advices. Women just don’t do it. Or like how I just few weeks ago parked my car to parking space trunk ahead, as I tend always do for safety reasons, and had to witness downgrading behavior for two males: “Why it took so long to park it?” they’ve said as it didn’t go at first tempt with my new, huge car. I told them, that there is no way they had balls to do shout that same line to male drivers, so to be equal, I will be standing here and watch how they will perform their driving. They got so overwhelmed, that they almost crashed wheels to paving. Not really good driving, have to say.

About work life I won’t even start. I used to work in male dominated tattoo industry, which from are exposing all the time more and more rapists, harassment and women degrading behavior. One colleague said that his daughters are worth of nothing in male dominated world. Oh well…. Female tattooers, who defend themselves, takes the same rights with males, are being said to be scary, not equal. I can’t even count how many times male clients have been mansplained me my o w n work. I always ask, that did you just explain me my profession, which I have experience of 20 years? Even rookie male tattooers does that, with poor technical experience and historical knowledge, and they don’t even understand how they are toe stepping with such behavior. And what I hear from e.g. female lawyers, women in logistics, restaurant brach ladies, leaders in economics, not to mention showbiz, -full of same kind of stories. Girls don’t play guitar, right?

And that is the key point of this whole post: People don’t recognize it. Before #metoo, blindness for such behavior was obvious, but it still is poor nowadays. The understanding of how females have to live in EVERY FUCKING DAY, opens eyes. Many people, no matter where they women or males, do not recognize it. All these males who I gave examples above (and believe me, there are tons of more stories like that), did not understand they were behaving dangerously wrongly and risky. Some of them were actually nice persons in other aspects. They say, that #metoo was needed, but it was really too harsh to the males exposed. Many actually belittle persons, who had to go through sexual harassment, or even a rape. I’ve personally heard males and also women saying “well, that girl just wanted attention.” “She begged that” and famous ”She looked like that.” People like that are part of the problem, as they are not able to see, how their behavior and fear of facing their own sexist behavior (or face the denial of being target of) will come on the surface. Even though I tend up to intervent into every inappropriatenesses I face, I do was taught to be silent as otherwise I would have been “difficult“. Due that, it took a while to understand and admit, how much harassment I get due my gender. And I’m from Finland, one of the most equal countries, and I am a privileged white, single mom, and the amount of harrasment I’ve had to face due my life, is vast. All my support to fellow women cross the world. ✊🏼✊🏼✊🏼

If the whole picture was turned upside-down, that male would live in roles of modern women, and women in roles of men: If men would live in the world planned and measured for women, would have to bare daily harassment or/and violence and bare to be silent in afraid of losing a work or home. If every act of men be done, would be jeopardized or downgraded. If they would have see submissive female genital photos on their phones a lot, not to mention brutal violence, rape, pedophilia, porn industry/addiction and human trafficking towards mostly to men. If men should do the non-paid job what offspring and house holding takes – besides that paid work, and females would generously help with that sometimes. If it would be turned upside down, I guess females would be pretty tired of male yacking, and would think why men won’t smile a bit more, can’t you ever tell a joke anymore about male harassment? That is actually, what Cardi B is doing with her lyrics. I’m not a fan of hyper-sexualization neither hers or any male performers lyrics, but I’m a fan of how she pushes people to face the opposite. Seeing the opposites helps us to find the middle way, where we can operate together better. We do need both men and women, but not suppressive behaviour.

So, I started to wonder are equal males countable with one hand fingers in every woman’s life? Is there anymore romantic approach towards women, that could be done respectfully instead of adult parents and married people to send Tinder messages at 11PM for a “quick date”? Does the birth rates go down in Finland, as it so unequal in all the ways (economic, time, violence, power misuse, work etc.) for woman to have a child? Is a traditional heterosexual marriage a risk after all, if it generally protects woman from behavior of other men, and gives neglect from husband? If equality goes in both ways, why doesn’t women have mandatory army training as males have to, and why are dad’s dismissed in child care? Should women go strike to people notice the meaning for unpaid care work to GDP?

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